im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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