Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
