Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
