he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
