I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
