my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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