One girl and one boy is just not enough.
honey bunches of taint.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
