Porn is love you can see.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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