The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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