My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
