A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
