remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
