So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
