Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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