I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
