I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
