she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
