he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
