Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
