so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
NoShamevember. You game?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
