dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
