hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
