also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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