There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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