i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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