That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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