put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
