everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
