I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
