So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
