If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
