Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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