Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
