My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
