i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
