New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
