His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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