I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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