Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
