You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
