No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
