I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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