They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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