I'm drive I can fine osifer
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
