Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
