Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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