wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
