I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
