I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
