So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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