I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
