I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
