I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
