i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
